For the Last Time, I'm not in Heat
by Ayamai
Summary: Inuyasha is avoiding Kagome, and she can't figure out why. Little does she know, she's in heat! Inukag Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** For the Last Time, I'm not in Heat!

**Story Summary**: Inuyasha is avoiding Kagome, and she doesn't know why. Little does she know, she's in heat! InuKag

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Inuyasha, or any of the other character from the show. I merely use them for my own sick twisted pleasure.

Inuyasha trailed behind the rest of the group, glaring at any who so much as glanced his way. Miroku, Sango, and Kagome walked ahead of him, with Shippo sitting on Kagome's shoulder, and Kirara on Sango's. The air was lightly scented with spring flowers, and the sky was clear of clouds, revealing a crisp blue sky above them. They tried to ignore the angry, temperamental vibes behind them.

Above Inuyasha a black cloud swirled, lashing out with thunder and lightning. He kept his senses trained on the area around him, always mindful of danger, and trying, but utterly failing, to ignore how nice Kagome smelled right now. She was in heat, and as much as he tried to stay away, to avoid his lust filled thoughts, he couldn't leave. It was a once-a-month, self imposed, torture.

"Why don't we eat lunch here?" Kagome asked, while indicating a small clearing laced with small wild flowers. A light breeze swept by, bringing with it the sent of flowers, and Kagome's heat to Inuyasha. The breeze lifted up Kagome's skirt, showing off the tiniest bit of white panties._ Bad thoughts Inuyasha, don't think those things about a priestess_. Inuyasha snorted. _I need to keep moving, get the blood rushing to somewhere else than between my legs, to my legs would be alright. If they kept walking the blood would have to go there, to keep him moving, right? _

"I am starting to get hungry." Miroku confirmed, "Inuyasha, why don't you join us, you've been sulking all day." The monk smiled, he knew what the dog demon's problem was: intense sexual frustration.

"Feh, I'm not sulking, and I'm not hungry. We should keep moving." Inuyasha didn't want to stop. The longer they kept moving, and the more they moved, the more energy the used, the more energy they used, the more likely it was for him to fall asleep faster, and not sit in a tree all night thinking about Kagome. His logic was only foiled by the fact that he was half demon, and walking all day would never even make a dent into his reserves of energy. "The village we heard about isn't far from here. If we don't stop we can reach it by nightfall, and then we won't have to sleep out side." They had heard rumors of an abnormally powerful demon roaming the lands near by, killing villagers that came too close to it's den in the forest.

The others stared blankly at Inuyasha. When did Inuyasha start wanting to sleep indoors? Shippo, being the one with the least tact, was the first to question Inuyasha.

"'Cause it's gonna rain tonight, can't ya smell it?"_ Ok, that was a little lie_. Inuyasha didn't smell rain coming for at least another day, but they didn't need to know that.

Shippo sniffed the air, "No."

"Well shows ya how good of demon you are." Inuyasha smirked, bickering with Shippo always could distract him from Kagome.

"Inuyasha be nice," Kagome sighed "but I suppose you're right, I don't want to be caught in the rain. We can always snack on what I have in my backpack on the way to the village." If she insisted on eating lunch there, a fight would either ensure, or Inuyasha would cave into her desires, "feh" and run off until they were done eating. _ Cave inter her desires... Well there are some desires I wouldn't mind getting fulfilled_. Inuyasha felt the blood running to the exact area he didn't want it to.

The group got up from where they were sitting and continued the trek to the village. Inuyasha continued down the path cursing at himself for being an idiot like normal, and not thinking about taking up leadership, ahead of the group, where he wouldn't be downwind of her. He instead fell back further from the rest, lost in thought. _Ok, desires... first of all I want to see what those damn white things look like, with out the skirt on, and then get to look at her with out the white things on at all. No shirt either, or that thing that covers her chest. Dammit go there... you embarrass yourself when you start thinking like this._ Inuyasha shook his head, and tried to think of something else.

_I need to get the blood away from my crotch, before anyone notices. Ok...what would do that? I got it: Sesshoumaru naked. Ack! Eww...that did the trick, but I should come up with another image instead of that. That thought hurt. I wonder if you can wash your brain out with soap? Ok, ok, another thought... I know: Kagome naked. Oh wait, dammit, that's what cause this problem in the first place. Blood rushing back, think of something else quick! Naked Kagome in a hot spring. Fuck, still not a good thing to think about. _Inuyasha jumped into the trees_, at least they won't see me with a boner up here as easily. Think about something other than Kagome, you dumb ass._

Inuyasha shook his head, nothing other than a naked wet Kagome came to mind. He could already tell this was going to a long hike.

To Be Continued

Hello everybody, this is my first real attempt at this kind of fic, so let me know what you think so far. Except another chapter in a day or so, thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** For the Last Time, I'm not in Heat!

**Story Summary**: Inuyasha is avoiding Kagome, and she doesn't know why. Little does she know, she's in heat! InuKag

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Inuyasha, or any of the other character from the show. I merely use them for my own sick twisted pleasure.

Hours later, they found themselves in the Inn of the village. Miroku secured two rooms at the Inn, his only explanation was a wink and "I thought you and Kagome need some alone time." he then left to research more into the rumors of the strange demon. Inuyasha cursed at Miroku under his breath.

That night, the group split up to their respective rooms. _I really don't need this right now_, thought Inuyasha _why did Miroku do this? Me in a room with Kagome right now isn't a good thing. She smells nice, well she always smells nice, but right now she smells really nice, and that means she's in heat. Me in a room with an in-heat-Kagome is not good for my psyche. The wench drives me nuts even when she's not in heat, what did he think he was doing?_

For the length of Inyasha's internal dialog, he grumbled and fidgeted, causing Kagome's forehead to wrinkle up as she wished to know what was going on in his head sometimes.

A voice boomed out from nowhere. "**The moron thinks you're in heat**."

Kagome's and Inuyasha's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "What?" they replied in unison.

"Whoever's there better come out now, before I start kicking your ass!" Inuyasha was livid. _How did whoever or whatever it was know what was bothering me?_

"**Please a disembodied voice, can't come out. I have no body."**

"Oh yeah, I'll make you come out, whether you like it or not!"

"**Oh, please try. I really do like your logic."**

"Inuyasha please, quiet down. We don't want the rest of the town coming in here." Kagome was oddly detached from the situation at hand, instead of worrying about the voice, she couldn't help thinking _How did I go into heat?_

"**Don't worry about the rest of the village, I've taken care of that. This is a problem that's bothered me for a long time, so we get to resolve it with out interruption."** The voice conceded.

Inuyasha growled, ready to start tearing things apart. Kagome had a feeling she was expect to play diplomat. "And what is this problem?" she asked.

Kagome could almost feel the voice roll it's eyes, if a disembodied voice had eyes, that is.

"**That for some unknown reason Inuyasha continues to think you're in heat"**

"Yeah, I was wondering about that, too."

Inuyasha could feel two sets of eyes on him, waiting for an explanation. "Uh...well..." Inuyasha blushed "she just smells really nice right now, and that means she's in heat, and..." he swallowed loudly. This was not something he wanted to talk about.

The voice laughed.

"Hey shut up before I pound you!!" he yelled, but that only seamed to make the voice laugh more, after all, how do you pound just a voice?

Kagome felt sorry for Inuyasha, but couldn't help to snicker at the situation. She needed to explain a few things about human females. She rubbed her head, _where to start?_

"**Here, I'll help" **the voice said. Kagome realized that she couldn't tell if the voice was male or female, or where it came from, it just came from everywhere at once.

The room shimmered and Kagome was in a class room dressed in a pant suite, and her hair in a bun. She looked like a teacher. It didn't help that she was behind the desk with a chalk board behind her. Inuyasha was seated in a desk in the front row, with a pencil and notebook that somehow made themselves into his grasp. "Uh, what's going on?" she asked.

"**Exactly what you and I wanted. You get to explain a little bit about human anatomy and physiology."**

"Oh, yeah, thanks." Kagome looked at the chalk board, regained her composer and started. "Ok, Inuyasha the first thing you need to know about are the menstrual cycle and the estrous cycle." She looked over to him "Please write that down". Inuyasha shook his head and proceeded to do what he was asked. Kagome wondered if he was in shock from the rapid scenery change, or if this was the work of the voice? Either way she was going to use this opportunity.

"Both the estrous and the menstrual cycles are exclusive to female mammals, but any mammalian species can only have one. Both cycles deal with the reproductive cycle in females, remember these two apply only to females, males don't have them." Kagome noticed Inuyasha taking notes along with a few other people in the class room. "Where did they come from?" she whispered to the voice.

"**They're some other authors that I thought that could benefit from this." **the voice whispered back.

Kagome wondered why the voice's dialog was bold if it was being whispered, but nodded and continued any way "The estrous cycle is what most mammals have, excluding humans and great apes, they have a menstrual cycle. The most basic differences between the two is that during the estrous cycle, the female is only fertile, and receptive to sex during a few days when she can conceive. This is generally referred to being in heat. In the menstrual cycle, humans a fertile at all times. There are-"

"How can you be fertile all the time? That's not possible!" Inuyasha interrupted.

Kagome sighed "Like I was going to say, human females are fertile from puberty to menopause so they never go into heat, but for about three days during the cycle they are more receptive and fertile than the other days. That might have been what you were smelling." Kagome noticed there were a few more people in the room.

"Yeah but, my boyfriend gets more horny when I'm on my period, so that must mean I'm in heat!" A girl yelled from the back row.

She rubbed her head, how did people not know this? All the people in the class, other than Inuyasha, were human, most female. Did they know so little about their bodies? Did they not worry about getting pregnant, have sex with their boyfriend and say "Oh, don't worry about the condoms, I'm not in heat right now"? Did they completely fail health class? She was getting frustrated, and was lucky that the voice decided to help her out on this one.

"**Yeah, but think about it, your body is sending off all kinds of signals right then that you are a healthy, fertile, female, of course he'll get horny. That's normal, I've had boyfriends do that to me. They said I smelled really good. Humans don't get much use out of pheromones, but hey, you're bleeding from the crotch! Why wouldn't your body be going crazy with what limited use of pheromones it has. To think that some boy gets horny off of that means you're in heat, shows you don't know a hell of a lot about your own body."**

"Yes, well there's always that." Kagome thought the voice was a little mean, but it did speak the truth. "There is some research showing that women are more receptive to sex during those most fertile days, and that some men can pick up on that change in fertility, but that does not mean you are in heat. You are not a cat or dog, and humans do not go into heat."

Inuyasha was a little stunned at her last statement, he kinda did hope Kagome could go into heat,but the institutional way Kagome was explaining this helped him get over his embarrassment, and ask something that was bothering him. "But female demons? They're like both, do they go into heat or not? And what about me, I get...horny... when you...like..smell good..."

Kagome smiled, even though she hasn't gotten a chance to be embarrassed at the situation, it was good that he was asking questions, he probably should know this. "I don't know. Since most demons are linked to animals, they may go through a estrous cycle, but then again, you do have some similarities to a dog, not all of your behavior is canine based, some of it is, in fact, human derived. As for me smelling nicer...the disembodied voice already covered that."

"But you smelling nicer should put him in heat, right?" Another nondescript girl asked.

Inuyasha looked a little green, "Hell no!" he was a guy, he didn't go into heat, even if he thought Kagome was in heat, he knew better than that. That was for girls. What were they writing about in their stories? He knew he'd have to work on his macho manliness after this if he was mistaken for a girl.

"Inuyasha, please, settle.." Kagome wondered if she was here in the beginning of the class when she already covered this. "No, going into heat is a purely female thing, males will never go into "heat". I know with dogs, that if they smell another female dog that is in heat, they will get horny and try to go after her, but again they don't go into heat themselves."

"But they're horny, that means they're in heat!"

"Ok, there is this weird thing that happens to male elephants, which I'm not going into, and I don't think applies here, but say it with me, horny does not equate to "in heat". He's being receptive to the signals sent out by the female that she's ready to have sex, that's all."_ Sheesh, what was the girls obsession with putting people in heat?_

The girl quieted down, and perked up once more "But what if you get turned into a half demon, will you go into heat then?" The girl smiled, thinking she would win some part of the argument.

_Really_, Kagome thought, _why do I need to be in heat? Is this the girls way of putting Inuyasha and I together? What happened to the romance? Even if I wanted to be with Inuyasha like that, would I really want it to be because I was a slave to my hormones? _"Like I said before, we don't know if female demons go into heat, but considering that I would still be half human, it's still possible I'd continue with my normal menstrual cycle. Not to mention the strain it would put on my body and mind to change that, the menstrual cycle regulated quite a bit in a human female's body." _Well ok, changing to half demon from human would still be a stressful thing on me, so I don't think that one thing would make that much of a difference, but I'm not going to tell her that._

The girl, not to let Kagome, the voice of logic at the moment, have the final say, had one more question. "But if you and Inuyasha do have sex, you mate for life!"

"Uh," Kagome faltered, _this is really getting way too personal._ She looked at Inuyasha for help, but he was already in overload from too much information. "Why would you think that?"

"Because wolves mate for life, and it's romantic." The girl entered a dreamy state, one only attainable by fan girls. Kagome wondered if she was to far gone to listen to what she had to say next.

"First of all, wolves do not necessarily mate for life. The alpha male and female to typically stay monogamous with each other, but when one of the pair does die, the other will usually find another mate. Second of all, Inuyasha is a dog, and dogs are known for being promiscuous. Not many animals do mate for life, and even at that it's not the type of 'mating for life' that you're imagining. Even the few species that do 'mate for life' can break up, and usually do find another mate after the other dies."

Kagome continued on with a few more interruptions, but nothing note worthy. Once finished, the chalk board filled with terms and diagrams, she found that she had a full class room. Inuyasha was still taking notes, most feverishly when she was explaining the human female reproductive cycle.

As abruptly as she appeared in the class room, it disappeared. She was sitting in the same room in the inn that she left. Inuyasha staring oddly at her, he was a little embarrassed she could tell, but she would deal with an embarrassed Inuyasha if that meant that he no longer thought she was in heat. She looked around the room, waiting for the voice once more, but it seamed to be satisfied, and like the voice, she hoped that she got her point across, and the whole "in heat" issue could be avoided in the future.

Fin.

Ok, I know some people expected that to turn into a sex scene, but I'm sorry to disappoint you. I applaud all that stuck around to the end. I hope that a few people learned something, and a few that knew humans don't go into heat got a bit of a laugh. This story was simply inspired because I'm sick of seeing "Kagome in heat" stories. Not only is that very wrong, is very sad for me to think that the author knows so little about human anatomy.

Please take note, the ones that are offended from this, probably because you have written a story about this, I never included any story names or authors. I did not single you out. This is a parody of the dime-a-dozen, Inuyasha/Kagome romance story you run into. If this looks similar to yours, at least in the beginning, I'm sorry but these stories have become so generic, it's possible mine ended up similar to yours. If anyone is questioning my facts, please type "estrous cycle" and "menstrual cycle" into Google or Wiki. (most of my information is from Wiki) Not all of the information can be found there, some is simply things I've learned. I've taken too many anatomy and physiology classes, not to know it.

Thanks again.


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